- in Relationship Advice
Video Summary
Get The Guy with Matthew Hussey Find the guy, attract the guy and keep the guy with Matthew Hussey, NBC's matchmaker on “Ready for Love,” an innovative and dramatic new relationship show about making real connections.
- Confused about what to text him? Just copy & paste these 9 texts from dating expert Matthew Hussey >>> Don’t Miss Out!
- Should you let him know you’d like to go on a date with him? And what about after the date Should you let him know you’d like to see him again if you felt the date went well but he’s not being proactive about setting up another one? Where is the line between showing a guy you like him, and chasing someone who’s simply not that.
In this episode, Matthew Hussey (author of Get The Guy) illustrates two real world examples of mistakes women make when men are not investing. If you avoid these two costly slip-ups, you will be seen as, and feel, more confident and attractive!
Mistake #1 – Taking it Personally When a Man Pulls Away
Have you ever wondered why guys pull away? Some women think a man stops investing because he has found someone else. Many women believe the now infamous he’s just not that into you. However, maybe he’s just not that into you right now. How much your crush is attracted to you today is about how he feels today. Who knows, he may change his mind weeks or months from now.
The message: don’t take it personally when people are flakey.
Change Your Perspective
It is important to take a more understanding perspective in the early stages. Heed negative personality traits, but lack of trying in the early stages is not a personality trait. You have to remember, you met this person one time at a bar. They don’t know you at all, so any judgment they may pass is not a reflection of your true self.
Warning: this advice is not about the man you have been on 10 dates with! If he isn’t investing in you by this point, it is probably time to say goodbye. Nor is this license to chase a man who has denied your advances. Your extra point of leverage: not trying harder is having character!
Mistake #2 – Showing Your Anger
When your guy’s texts stop giving you the warm and fuzzies, it may be tempting to respond with anger. You might imagine in your mind the pain your texts will inflict upon him. In reality, angry and passive aggressive responses will just confirm he made the right choice by backing off! Pressing send may feel good at the moment, but you are simply showing the man he has power over you and your emotions.
The Message: Anger makes us less attractive to the people around us.
Energy vs. Investment
A winning combination at this stage of the game is high energy and low investment. People often confuse investment and energy. High energy does not mean giving the other person more, it means exuding positive, confident energy. Low or bad energy can cost us someone great. Keeping your investment low in the beginning is equally as important: putting all of your eggs in one basket is unwise, and makes you seem insecure. People with options, people who are doing interesting things, are generally happy and do not get angry when someone does not get back to them.
About Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey, speaker and New York Times Bestselling author, serves as a matchmaker on “Ready for Love,” NBC’s innovative and dramatic new relationship show about making real connections.
Through his online programs, viral internet broadcasts, sell-out seminars, NYT Bestselling book, and his roster of private clients, he has been able to pass on his insights and strategies to countless people. 50,000 women have attended his live events and he has reached over 10 million online. Hussey is the new international guru of the dating and relationship-coaching scene.
Through his online programs, viral internet broadcasts, sell-out seminars, NYT Bestselling book, and his roster of private clients, he has been able to pass on his insights and strategies to countless people. 50,000 women have attended his live events and he has reached over 10 million online. Hussey is the new international guru of the dating and relationship-coaching scene.
To know more about Matthew, visit www.howtogettheguy.com.
Learn Why Men Pull Away
There is a deep-seated 'Gap' in communication that very few women (or men) understand. It’s the #1 reason why men pull away. To be truly irresistible to a man, you MUST understand this gap, and the way feelings of love get confused and entangled in a man's mind...
Matthew Hussey Blog
- in Relationship Advice
Video Summary
In this video, Matthew Hussey talks about how to change a partner’s behavior when he doesn’t value you.
Why does he treat you so casually?
One simple answer: it’s because you let him. We can’t stop people from behaving badly but we can decide how we react when they behave badly or when they treat us as lower value than we really are. In that moment, we get to make a decision about whether to stay or to go, whether to say something or be passive. If somebody is continuing to treat us badly, it’s because we’re allowing them to do so.
Why do we allow someone to do that?
What is it in us that allow them to keep doing that behavior over and over? One reason we might give is because we really like someone or we love them. When we really love someone, we wanna be with them and we’ll try and justify their behavior. If our self-worth is so low, we’ll find a way to stay because leaving is scary.
What’s created in our minds is cognitive dissonance.
It’s the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs or attitudes. We’ll find all sorts of ways to justify the situation we’re in instead of being honest with ourselves in saying “If I valued myself more, I would have gone by now”. At the very least, you would have much more frank and honest conversations with this person so that they know your worth, too. If we don’t put high value on ourselves, they don’t put high value on us, either.
And of course, in a relationship, when we’re not communicating honestly about what we don’t like and not allowing someone to see the repercussions of not treating us with enough respect, they don’t feel any incentive to change. So they keep doing the same behavior or the behavior gets worse. They keep pushing the boundaries to see what they can get away with.
At this point, you reach a pain threshold and leave. The danger is at the point of leaving, your self-worth continues to go down and you think to yourself, “Maybe he isn’t that bad” or “Maybe I deserve that bad treatment”. It creates this feedback loop where all of these things play into your low value. And that allows you to either go back to him again or find somebody else who treats you equally as bad. You get into these repetitive cycles of having the same behavior over and over again.
How do you break this cycle?
Matthew Hussey How To Keep The Guy
You break this cycle by paying attention to your instincts early on in the relationship.
Or if you’ve been in a relationship for years, paying attention to the instincts you’ve had all along. Instincts are the moments where you feel like something isn’t right. These are the moments where fundamentally, this person isn’t treating you the way that you want. There’s a simple test for this.
When you think about your ideal man, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and how he treats you- the level of worth and the level of value he places on you, is the person in front of you giving you that?
It’s not enough to have instincts. Many of us have these gut feelings that we’re in the wrong place or we’re making the wrong decisions or we shouldn’t be with this person. But we don’t act on them. Trusting your gut is only half of the puzzle. The other half is being able to actually act on your gut. It’s having the strength, the courage and the self-worth to do what you know you should do. The irony is that when our self-worth is low, we begin to trust our instincts less.
About Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey, speaker and New York Times Bestselling author, serves as a matchmaker on “Ready for Love,” NBC’s innovative and dramatic new relationship show about making real connections.
Through his online programs, viral internet broadcasts, sell-out seminars, NYT Bestselling book, and his roster of private clients, he has been able to pass on his insights and strategies to countless people. 50,000 women have attended his live events and he has reached over 10 million online. Hussey is the new international guru of the dating and relationship-coaching scene.
Through his online programs, viral internet broadcasts, sell-out seminars, NYT Bestselling book, and his roster of private clients, he has been able to pass on his insights and strategies to countless people. 50,000 women have attended his live events and he has reached over 10 million online. Hussey is the new international guru of the dating and relationship-coaching scene.
To know more about Matthew, visit www.howtogettheguy.com.
Learn Why Men Pull Away
Matthew Hussey How To Keep Him Laugh
There is a deep-seated 'Gap' in communication that very few women (or men) understand. It’s the #1 reason why men pull away. To be truly irresistible to a man, you MUST understand this gap, and the way feelings of love get confused and entangled in a man's mind...